Today is the Qing Ming day or the Chinese All Soul’s day. Though today is
the exact day of Qing Ming, many families would have completed their
annual ritual of visiting and praying to their ancestors at graveyards all over
the country earlier especially at week-ends. But only this morning I still
heard fire crackers blasting away at the graveyard near my place. You are
allowed to visit graveyards 10 days before and after the Qing Ming season.
Both my parents and in-laws are still around so it has been some time that I
need to do any ritual during Qing Ming. My paternal grandparents were
buried in Taiping while hubby’s grandparents were buried in China. My elder
brother and father are the ones who were busy during Qing Ming while my
younger brother and I who are in KL, seldom goes back for Qing Ming. But
by coincidence we were back in Taiping for some matter last year and since
it’s still within the 10 days period we just decided to visit our grandparents
grave. Having only a rough idea of the position of our grandparents grave
up in the hill, we started up and sure enough managed to locate the place.
My elder sister said it was because our grandparents guided us to the place
since their grand children were coming.
Both my grandparents graves were just as they were decades ago when I
was there during their burial. No elaborate marble stones or grand
renovations as some rich people’s grave. My grandfather passed away when
I was 8 years old and it was many years later that I learnt that the tomb
stone of my grandfather was done by my father. We were poor then and my
father is a good craftsman. I remembered him being always busy in our tool
shed and we kids were not allowed inside maybe he feared we would mess up
his work.
In my earlier days, Qing Ming was an important and exciting day in our family.
We would wake up at dawn and my mother would slaughter a chicken and
prepare the necessary prayer items together with some food favoured by my
grandfather. One item which my uncle would bring without fail everytime was
opium as my grand-father was an opium smoker. Putting the opium on top of
my grandfather’s tomb, my uncle would say something and light some joss
sticks. Getting to the grave yard by bicycles was normal in those days as
cars or even motorbike was still a luxury then. As such there was no jams at
the graveyard as you would see today every time Qing Ming comes around.
Getting behind my sister’s bicycle, I would need to hold on tight with one
hand and trying to juggle some prayer items in the other hand. There was
only so much you could carry on a bicycle and so everyone need to help out
while the bulky items would be carried by my brother and father.
People nowadays have more superstitions about Qing Ming than our earlier
days. It was only the first time that I heard of a prohibition of married
women not being allowed to visit their parents grave during Qing Ming for
fear that they will get all the good luck from the men in the family.
Ridiculous thinking i would say as even my parents have not heard of such
a rule. They said its not good for children to visit graves and if they need
to go then they have to carry a ‘fu’ in their pockets and bathe in pomelo
leaves soaked in water after they returned from the graveyard.
Well, in my days we children just climb on to bicycles and go and returned
happily and continue playing until its bath time where the water was from
a well without pomelo leaves soaked in them.
I would say lets cast aside all superstitions and take Qing Ming as a time to
remember our ancestors and also a time where family members get together
to bond and think of our loved ones who have moved on.
The tomb stones of my grandparents were made by my father.
Cleaning up the place first.
My father (85 years) painting over the words of the tomb stone.
Preparing the prayer items.
